His readers marvel at how well he puts their deepest desires, the fragile failings of their heart, and the whimsical workings of their mind on paper. The way he peeks into the secrets of their soul.
Each and every day, they find a fragment of themselves in his words, between his lines.
They gasp, they swoon, they balk and they are stunned. And they keep coming back in increasing numbers, for more.
It’s a strange, heady feeling that his writing invokes: they feel both vulnerable and validated. He manages to understand them in a way no one has; he strums the chords of their mind and they find the emerging tune familiar, yet breath taking. Their secret feelings are out in the open, ferretted out from the dark cave of guilt and transformed into something soothing, almost luminous.
Only he knows that what finds resonance, an echo in each of his teeming readers, is written for an audience of one. The one who can never be his.
Only his thoughts can claim her, only his words can own her.
These are the spaces where he is whole again, where he is free to surrender all that he feels for her. The disquiet that is a constant hum in his waking hours, finds a relief here. He feels free to explore the tangled strands of love, longing, loneliness and loss, trying to prise them apart, hoping to make sense of where he finds himself.
And hoping that she reads him today. Understands how much of the beauty that he creates for everyone is actually a cry to her, a cry for her. Knows that the blazing creativity that seizes him each day stems from her, causing him to pour out what burns inside him, quite like a shooting star that leaves a luminous trail across the crimson horizon, only to dive into the unending dark again, exhausted and spent.
His readers rave at this meteoric display, while he burns, burns, burns only for one.
The loss of someone is actually the loss of some part of ourselves. A part that feels, reacts, thinks and responds in a particular way. A part that we have grown to love, a part that we have integrated into ourselves, or a part that has suddenly blossomed from a bud that was always within. It is this part that we lose, this part that we have to silence after it has found its voice, this part that we have to cut and throw away, knowing that never ever again will this part be alive in quite the same manner again, nor will it speak through us. It is this loss that we can never replace, this part that shines through us for a brief time like a shooting star and fades into a deep darkness never to emerge again.